Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
