I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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