I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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