I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
