Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
