just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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