Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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