He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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