Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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