Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
