first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
