Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
