I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
