I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
