At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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