I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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