she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
