i think my mom watched the whole time
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
