I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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