talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
