I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
