When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
