I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
