Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
