why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My vagina just clenched in fear
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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