Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
