Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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