I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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