I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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