I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
