I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
