So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
