Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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