I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
