A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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