...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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