Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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