it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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