Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
