from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
