He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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