...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
