You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
