i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
