i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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