I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
