Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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