Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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