Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
