i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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