Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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