if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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