Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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