I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
