Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
