Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
