life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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