What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
