I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize