All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
