remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
