I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
