I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
