I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
