I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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