I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
