Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
