I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
