They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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