the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
