if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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